Super-Connections
Extra! Extra! In an effort to
facilitate the flow of information among costumed
crimefighters, the Bureau of Superheroics publishes a
free weekly newsletter entitled
Super-Connections, available from wisecracking
orphaned paperboys across the country. Advertisements
and announcements may be dropped off in the brightly
colored titanium Super-Connections box in the
lobby of your local BoS Field Office.
Sample Ads and Announcements
Here are some recent items placed in Super-Connections. Please note that all submissions are presented exactly as received. The BoS takes no responsibility for ads that prove to be inaccurate, misleading, or part of a nefarious plot to destroy you and all that you hold dear.
For Sale
Giant deathray guaranteed to destroy entire universe. Only used once. FOR SALE TO HEROES ONLY. Box 98RS7.
Slightly used time machine. Belonged to little old lady who won't be born for another 12 years. Box BKNT1M.
Bolts of slightly irreg. spandex for immed. purch. Colors avail: cyan, yellow, magenta, black! Must pick up. Inquire Box 1138.
Art deco lantern, olive. Needs work. Serious inquiries only, please. Box 1066. Also avail: lantern, teal.
LIKE NEW! 1959 Invincible Motors Mythmobile. One owner: only drove to Church of Evil on Sundays. Write Box 1043.
Estate Sale: contents of secret catacomb under mansion to be liquidated. Private viewings arranged. Box 1989.
Superperson to Superperson
Giant rock-encrusted man-monster seeks hot-tempered younger brother substitute for bickering, occasional crimefighting. Box 444.
You: buxom warrior-woman in skintight spandex, leaving scene of epic battle with The Dangerous Dozen. Me: paragon of manliness in skintight spandex, too busy engaging in lengthy inner monologue to ask you for your secret hotline number. Box QZ32.
Lonely superhero ISO villainous arch-nemesis for mutual loathing, inconclusive skirmishes, epic battles in outer space. Superpowers that complement my only weaknesses a plus. Box 873W.
Nefarious Taunts
To: The Pewter Flask. Mwahahahahaha! From: Victor Victorian
ATTN: Lamplighter. Ahahaha! Hahahaha! Signed, The Killer Creampuff
Dear Tory Teen: Hahahahahahaha! Mwa! Ha! Ho! Yours very truly, The Crybaby
Jane Loudermilk
